I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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