ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize