I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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