There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
