yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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