His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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