Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
