You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
