I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
