You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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