when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Hippo gnu deer
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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