Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
