I am in a vortex of obligation.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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