No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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