she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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