were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
