those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
