vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
