Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
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