google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
