The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
