I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
