you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
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Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
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Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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