Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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