Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
