That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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