i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
