Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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