somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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