I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
