I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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