i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
