You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
