I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
