Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
