My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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