oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Randomize
