I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
