my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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