I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
