i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Send help, water and tortillas.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
