Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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