I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
