we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
