Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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