your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i love accidental penises.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
