I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
