I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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