If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
