he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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