Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
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In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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