speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
