Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
