i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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