4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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