This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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