I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
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i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
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Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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