how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
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what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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